Where is My Worth?

I read a blog post by one of my friends that really got me thinking. I would suggest reading it. I wanted to leave a comment, but I realized anything I had to say would be a full post by itself. So here I am, returning to a blog that I haven't written in for a while that was mostly used for venting my frustrations and complaints in a juvenile and angry fashion (those posts should be gone now). Hopefully, I can turn this into something more uplifting. Anyway, continuing on:

My friend wrote about how the "Dove Real Beauty Sketches" video made her feel. I really liked the message it gave to women about how they are more beautiful than they give themselves credit for. My friend's complaint was that it still had women focusing on their physical beauty instead of other qualities.

In today's world, beauty seems to take such a precedence over everything else. It can almost seem implied that you have to be beautiful to have success, friends, relationships, etc. People admire those who are beautiful; it's a fact. There are a lot of other qualities that get overlooked.

I was recently watching a TV show, and in one of the episodes I watched yesterday, one of the characters was thinking of ending his relationship with a gorgeous girl because he found she annoyed him. He started getting frustrated by spending time with her. When he voiced that he might end things to his family, they started protesting because she was so beautiful and "how [was he] ever going to find another girl like that!" More value was placed on her beauty than on her personality. It really is a sad world we live in. It's particularly sad how wrapped up I tend to get by this notion.

I recognize that in the world's eyes, I am beautiful. I'm not saying this to brag or sound conceited; I am just not going to fake humility and ignorance. I was blessed with pleasant features. However, I feel super ugly sometimes. I'll look in the mirror, and I'll feel ugly because my eyebrows are growing too thick and wild, and I haven't had time to get them waxed in 2 months. I feel ugly when I sit and my belly bubbles over my jeans. I feel ugly when my hair just won't do what I want it to. There are many more things that I hate about myself because it's not considered "beautiful". I'll apologize to my husband when something isn't just right. "Oh, don't look at me. I look awful today." I sometimes joke with him and say if he doesn't shave his face, I won't shave my legs. He replies, "That will bother you a lot more than it will bother me." He's right. I feel embarrassed and ugly if I haven't had time to shave all week and those dark hairs start prickling up my legs.

Not even a year after I got married my pants size jumped from a size 3 to a size 6 or 7, and my sister, after having 2 kids, is a size 1. It was kind of hard to admit that my body was changing, and it probably wouldn't ever be the same again. My metabolism is slowing. I have to start watching what I eat. I had a little bit of weight gain from a pregnancy where my baby never made it past 6 weeks, and I haven't been able to get rid of it. It's only a little bit, but it drives me crazy sometimes. My husband sometimes laughs and tells me I'm too vain. It makes me mad, but he's right! Why am I so fixated on how I look!?

I shouldn't let it bother me. If I get too absorbed in it, how am I going to feel about myself when pregnancy gives me stretch marks, and my whole body sags and bulges a little more due to the change it underwent to bring life? How am I going to feel when old age comes and takes away my smooth, clear skin? How would I feel if I had an injury that left some disfiguration? Would I completely lose my self-esteem? Would I sink to hating myself more and more? I don't want that.

On my way to work this morning, I was really wrapped up in what my friend had written. I thanked Heavenly Father for the body he had given me, but I asked Him to help me to recognize and value the other things he had given me. Instantly, I was flooded with thoughts. I have a sound mind, I have a decent memory, and I have had relatively few challenges in learning. I love to learn. I love to read. Overall, I love to improve my mind. My most valuable possessions are my books, not my clothes or my make up or anything else to complement my vanity. I have been blessed with a love of music. I love singing, and my favorite song to sing right now is "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing". I have to ability to love and forgive (the two seem to go hand-in-hand). These are a few of the things that came to my mind after asking my loving Heavenly Father to help me see my worth beyond physical beauty. However, the most important of all is I am a daughter of God. He loves me, and He thinks my worth is great. I am destined to become a queen in Heaven if I constantly strive to live as I have been taught by my wonderful parents and the many teachers I have had in my life. He has blessed me with a sound testimony of the gospel and of Christ's atonement for me.

I know that He answered my prayer. I knew then and there that these things are much more important to me than my outward appearance. It will take time and practice to rewire the way I think about myself, but I know that I have great value and importance because of these thing and not because I am beautiful. I would much rather be recognized as smart or kind than beautiful.

Thank you, Penny, for sharing your thoughts. It caused me to re-evaluate myself and what's important to me. Now I can start improving and valuing myself for the reasons my Heavenly Father tells me I should and not what the world tells me I should.